Satire Archives - Page 4 of 5 - The Charger Bulletin

Health Services to compensate for dormant CVS

Mia Adduci, Managing Editor • April 4, 2023

SATIRE Last year, the CVS across from the Atwood apartment complex closed down without warning or explanation. This has left first-year students and upperclassmen who do not have cars without access to...

How to blend in with sports fans

Presley DePugh, Arts & Life Editor • April 4, 2023

SATIRE Navigating the world of sports is no easy feat. With all of the lingo and strong emotions that go hand-in-hand with being a sports fan, it can be hard to hang out with members of this cult. It’s...

The Hunger Games: College major edition

Erin Smith, Politics Editor • April 4, 2023

SATIRE The first annual Hunger Games will be taking place instead of finals week starting on May 1. It will go on for as long as it takes until there are two victors. Graduation will be postponed if necessary....

Calling all the orphan zombies

Amber Cholewa, Head of Public Relations • November 1, 2022

Satire Many people make zombies the bane of their existence, even here at the University of New Haven. Recently, a new quad was built on campus, and many of us are wondering why that is. Is it due to...

Case study reveals life-threatening dangers of Sodexo food

Mia Adduci, Campus News Editor • November 1, 2022

Satire In recent weeks, long-awaited results from a year-long case study have unveiled a correlation between the consumption of food produced by the company Sodexo, and rapid organ failure in individuals...

Out with the old, in with the new

Teresa Zangari, Contributing Writer • April 5, 2022

Satire I have never been more thankful for the continual rise in academic tuition prices. It is bold of us to allow ourselves to be embraced with a lifetime of debt for the useless education we are...

Meet the brains behind the Bulletin

Lindsay Giovannone, Sports Editor • April 5, 2022

Satire Kayla Mutchler “The Big Cheese” Kayla has been a dedicated writer to the Charger Bulletin since her freshman year. Assuming the role of The Big Cheese for the past two years, she has been...

Azealia Banks launches wholesome anti-bullying campaign

Samuel Weinmann, Politics Editor • April 5, 2022

Satire On Sunday, philanthropist, rapper and social media influencer Azealia Banks launched a social media campaign targeted at eradicating bullying. Banks has already championed four other successful...

Charlie the Charger: Admission’s token nonbinary icon

Mia Adduci, Student Life Editor • April 5, 2022

Satire We all know that the queer population at the University of New Haven is vast, yet somehow, despite our overpowering ratio, we tend to be underrepresented. In recent light, the university has displayed...

Bimbofication at the university: A necessary manifesto

Kayla Mutchler, Editor-In-Chief • April 5, 2022

Satire It is our time. We’ve had women’s rights in the 1960s and for LGBTQ+ rights in the 70s and 2010s––but this isn’t enough. I feel underrepresented, erased, alienated. I look around and...

Multi-layered pyramid scheme reveals university recruitment strategy

Mia Adduci, Student Life Editor • April 5, 2022

Satire Recent discoveries have unveiled the truth behind the recruitment process at the University of New Haven. A pyramid scheme, code-named “Charlie’s Angels” after CEO Kaplan’s personal favorite...

Collegiate Competition Equity Task Force ‘equal footing’ initiative takes off running

Isabelle Hajek, Opinions Editor • April 5, 2022

Satire Recent news stories have brought to the forefront of sports coverage highlighting an emergent topic in the world of athletics that must be dealt with immediately. Competitive sports have met...

German Club to be turned into an adult entertainment venue

Lindsay Giovannone, Sports Editor • April 5, 2022

Satire The German Club, officially called Arbeiter Maenner Chor, is an iconic campus building at the University of New Haven where exciting student events like the flu shot clinic have been held. However,...

Honors program announces totally real course listings for fall semester

Editorial Staff, Editorial Staff • April 5, 2022

Satire It is officially the point in time during the second semester where the registration process for next fall has begun, and the highly anticipated list of Honors courses has been released. Here are...

Meet the ghosts in Maxcy Hall that have been haunting you

Saige Batza, Student Life Editor • April 5, 2022

Satire Have you ever felt as if you were being watched while walking to class inside Maxcy Hall? Have you ever felt spooked while walking past the building late at night? The building was once an orphanage...

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