Why I’m moving on

Caitlin Duncan

You came into my life at a very strange time and in a totally unexpected way. I was bored with my life. I was craving excitement. I needed something new. I needed something to make me feel alive again. You walked into my life and took me by surprise. You were straightforward and honest; two things I admire the most in people. You continuously kept butterflies in my stomach, and you forced me to stay on my toes.

Caitlin Duncan bw

At first, I wasn’t sure of the idea of you. I’d vowed to myself to only focus on school and work. I tried to stay away, I really, truly did. But something inside of me pined for you. You were exactly what I wanted and needed in my life. You were new and exciting. Not to mention, you were older and dangerous in a sense, and I found myself completely infatuated with you.

We talked for hours on end in person and the second we left each other, we continued our conversation through text. I’d find myself sacrificing sleep so I could be with you, and trust me, that is a big deal because sleep is my one true love. I found myself putting off homework and losing focus in class because I was thinking about you all the time. But to me, none of this mattered. Because you made me happy, you made me feel beautiful, and most of all, for the first time ever, you made me feel that I was entirely worth it.

As the weeks of the semester rolled by and leaves began to change colors and gracefully fall from the trees, I identified with those leaves. I’d changed a lot because of you. I was happier and I felt more beautiful. And just as the leaves did, I fell for you.

It wasn’t until I’d fallen that you began to step on me, ripping me apart beneath your unaware feet. I began to find myself exhausted and irritable. I began to blame myself for your lack of communication, and I wracked my brain, attempting to figure out what I did wrong if you didn’t want to hang out with me that day.

And this is why I’m moving on. I was so captivated and caught up in you that I didn’t realize how horrible you were treating me. Instead of realizing that you’d make time for me if you wanted to, I told myself that I did something wrong. Instead of knowing that you should be fighting for me, I put up the biggest fight of my life, trying to win you over. And now that I’ve taken a step back, I’ve realized how much I was doing for you, when you were doing nothing to keep me, this is why I’m moving on.

I’ve realized that I deserve better. I’ve realized that sometimes you need to forget what you feel, and remember what you deserve, and I deserve so much more than you. And that is why I’m moving on.