Note: This is part of our SATIRE edition.
Attention all New Haven night owls. The ones who love our city’s nightlife, the ones who itch for Friday and Saturday night, I have some fantastic news. There’s a new club in town and no, it’s not Rumaj or Vanity, Toads or Secrets. President Jens Frederiksen has taken very important student opinions and made the executive decision to open a nightclub right on campus. Food on Demand has turned into Finesse on the Dancefloor (FOD)!
Rumaj and Vanity, the top two clubs in New Haven, see up to four different universities. A night in this part of Connecticut is not complete without a rager, but let’s be honest. Is the $20 Uber really worth it? Is 10 minutes in the car too long ? Is the cover charge really worth it for two hours of partying? Let’s face it people, the whole process of going to the club is lacking. You know what would make that easier? A short walk to FOD!
The UNH Faculty has taken measures to turn the FOD dining hall into a state of the art nightclub, complete with a gigantic dance floor, a bar serving refreshing (virgin) cocktails, high tech lighting, V.I.P lounges and its infamous music scene. It is also rumored that students can receive a discount at the door, just by showing their ID.
It’s clearly known that FOD knows ball, and that ball knowledge translates to the AUX. Do you feel like jamming out to today’s hits? FOD has the Weeknd, Bruno Mars and Dua Lipa queued up. Perhaps rap is more of your thing? FOD only plays the best: Travis Scott, Drake (Drop Iceman already) and Kendrick Lamar. Or maybe you prefer to chill out and lounge in the club, feeling like royalty. FOD plays the most iconic RnB including Usher, SZA, Chris Brown and Beyonce who will all have you breaking out the dance moves. FOD has whatever you’re in the mood for, all you need to do is walk through the door.
A review of anything is not complete without loyal customers, and in this case, loyal nightlife enthusiasts! Freshman Hunter Abruzzo gave his well-educated opinion, after attending the FOD club seven times! Abruzzo first heard about the club flyers around campus and decided to check out this new evening entertainment.
“Whoever the DJ is at this club knows what they are doing,” said Abruzzo. “Never a beat is missed. It’s always a vibe.”
The night might be the DJ’s territory but even when the sun comes up that doesn’t stop them from serving the starving students of UNH the right tunes.
Alright New Haven night owls, you’ve heard it here first. Rumor has it even the faculty are reporting higher student morale in early morning classes, probably from the sheer excitement of being able to enjoy Finesse on the Dancefloor later in the night. It’s also been rumored that some of the faculty members have made appearances in FOD If you saw President Jens chilling in V.I.P. with Charlie the Charger… no you didn’t! That’s it for today, clubbers. I will see you on the dance floor!
