Note: This is part of our SATIRE edition.
Despite his previous rhetoric of linking Tylenol to autism, a new report from a whistleblower revealed that current U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has used the pain and fever reducing drug in secret. According to the whistleblower, Kennedy used the drug to treat headaches that have been present since 2010, when a worm ate part of his brain. After staffers at the HHS began to notice Kennedy using the drug in large quantities, he reportedly then attempted to cover it up, using differently labeled pill bottles, putting colored dye in the pills and seemingly going as far as taking the pills while working out.
Tylenol has also previously issued a statement about the claims suggesting that Tylenol causes autism: “The facts are that over a decade of rigorous research, endorsed by leading medical professionals and global health regulators, confirms there is no credible evidence linking acetaminophen to autism. We stand with the many public health and medical professionals who have reviewed this science and agree.”
Amidst the whistleblower report, Tylenol has reportedly considered adding a label to their products in some retailers that would say that Kennedy endorses using the product to treat headaches.
The Autism Society of America has also previously issued a statement in relation to these claims made by Kennedy: “A dangerous and inaccurate narrative is being spun around the Autism community—one rooted in fear, misinformation, and a profound misunderstanding of disability. Referring to Autism as a “chronic disease” or an “epidemic” relies on outdated medical-model language that dehumanizes Autistic individuals, perpetuates stigma and stereotypes, and undermines decades of progress in disability rights.”
Some were quick to point out the hypocrisy. Carly Salzano, the executive assistant for the university’s College Republicans, said, “it’s crazy, very hypocritical, I heard he at least washed it down with raw milk to get rid of it.”
Kennedy has also been a big proponent of raw milk, showing support for lifting regulations and sanctions on it. Raw milk is also expected to be available to guests as a drink once the White House’s East Wing Ballroom opens.
The whistleblower report also mentioned that Kennedy discussed releasing a study that would show that windmills cause cancer, a claim that President Trump has supported before. The study would reportedly come in conjunction with the announcement of a cemetery for birds killed by windmills planned to be built on the National Mall in Washington.
At a White House press conference, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt refused to answer any questions about the whistleblower report. Leavitt accused reporters who asked about the report without any evidence of them being paid and bought by Kenvue Inc., Tylenol’s parent company. However, family members of Kennedy have mentioned that the report is not shocking amidst his willingness to admit to obscure and bizarre things such as snorting cocaine off toilet seats, hiding a dead bear in Central Park and making it look like a bike hit it in 2014 and also flying on deceased sex offender and trafficker Jeffrey Epstein’s plane on multiple occasions. Kennedy has also been previously investigated for taking the head of a dead whale and driving it home.
You never know what shenanigans RFK Jr. will end up in, and this whistleblower report on his usage of Tylenol is just another example of this saga.
