The five people you meet in (social media) Hell

Kaitlin Mahar

Everybody’s familiar with that slight twinge of dread when they open up Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., and see an update from the one person they don’t want to see. You can’t unfollow them, because they really are a nice person, or because they’re your co-worker, or because blocking your mother is considered just plain cruel (and she’ll definitely bring it up every chance she gets for the next twelve years). Everybody is all too familiar with these people that you simply can’t escape, though you sure would like to.

Kaitlin - bw

1. The Over-Sharer: Have you ever seen a video of someone teaching their pet to use the toilet, or read a bombardment of tweets giving a blow-by-blow of the movie the writer (Tweeter? Twitterer?) is currently watching? More than I’d care to admit. At least I didn’t waste my money by buying a ticket to go see Ouija. Still recovering from that pet video though.

2. The Throwback Thursday Fanatic: The distant cousin of the over-sharer, the Throwback Thursday Fanatics, with their many hashtags and minimum of sixteen photos that date back as far as two weeks ago, are the sole reason why we don’t go online on Thursdays. For those who can’t escape, it’s probably the reason why “Thirsty Thursday” is so popular.

3. The Emotional Wreck: Every post is something along the lines of “My life is terrible, but nobody ask me why. I don’t want to talk about it.” Which is probably not true—you’re just upset at the moment, and it’ll pass a few minutes after you’ve posted this self-pitying status. As for those posts claiming that “nobody cares”? Yeah, well, you got that one right.

4.The Political and Religious Aficionados: “Share this if you love Jesus. Ignore if you accept Satan as your eternal ruler and want your sister to go to hell.” “[Insert blatant political shots being fired here].” I’m glad you’re opinionated. Good for you. But stop. I love my sister, and she’s certainly not going to hell because I didn’t like and share that photo of Jesus. She’s going to hell for retweeting that photo from the Republican Teens of America twitter account.

5. The Meme Over-Users: I have a meme for you: Silence. It’s all over Myspace.

I don’t know about anyone else, but any time I see one of these people on my newsfeed, I’m ready to barf. Which is not a pretty sight for myself, or the general public. So, if you’ve read this article and believe yourself to be one of these repeat offenders, try to contain yourselves next time. For the sake of the general public. Think of the children.