Howard wakes up one morning, ready to start his daily adventures. He leaps out of bed, and heads to his kitchen. He reaches into his cupboard and pulls out a box of the finest Kellogg’s Froot Loops, which he promptly pours into a bowl before reaching into his fridge and grabbing some Tropicana Orange Juice. Howard always drinks orange juice in the morning. It’s good for his immunes system. And it helps improve his night vision. But today, he takes a sip and quickly falls over dead. Why? Because Howard….. is a fungus.

Yes, that’s right, Tropicana Orange Juice is no longer safe for fungi. However, it probably is safe for the average fun guy (little biology humor for you).  It would appear that traces of dangerous fungicide have been found in Tropicana Orange Juice. So, spit that out right now if you value your life! Just kidding, the amounts are below the FDA’s minimum standard and are not significant enough to pose a threat to the average human. (However, several Super Mario Bros. characters have been advised against consuming the stuff.) Pepsico, the owner of Tropicana has said they are currently performing more tests on their orange juice and are working to get everything sorted out.

“So, what’s the problem then? It’s not enough fungicide to be worth caring about unless you’re a mushroom, so why, why, is this even news?” you may be asking. Well, this is a newspaper, and one must understand what newspapers do. It is the duty of newspapers to blow everything out of proportion and try to be scary. So, wacky conspiracy theory time!

Why should you believe what you’ve been told about “healthy levels” of fungicide? There shouldn’t be fungicide in our beverages at all now, should there?  Should we be allowing our food manufacturers to be putting any of this in our drinks? What if they just want us to think everything is okay, and it’s actually a secret plot to take us down? DO you want to live in a world ruled by Pepsi-Co? Hmmmmmm? Do you? Because I kind of do.

So, it is up to the consumer to decide if they want to tolerate this or not. Is it something not worth making a big deal over? Maybe, the amounts aren’t significant enough to pose a threat, but how far will it go? It could be a slippery slope. If any fungicide is allowed in these beverages, could companies become more and more relaxed about what goes into their products as they see people are willing to buy them regardless? Sure, you have the FDA to stop them, but are they really as competent as one would hope? The choice is yours, consumers. If you don’t want to put up this, vote with your wallet, and let Pepsico know!

Though in reality it really probably isn’t anything to get worked up about.