No More Mr. Nice Guy

Kaitlin Mahar

It is no small secret that a common complaint from guys regarding the dating pool is that girls are never interested in “nice guys,” especially in comparison to “bad boys.” The “nice guys finish last” mentality has been prevalent for decades, but given the changes in dating over the last ten years or so—from dating websites, to relationship statuses on social media, to apps like OkCupid and Tinder—one thing has become increasingly clear. Or, at least, clear to girls. Nice guys are few and far between, and, if you are one of those self-proclaimed “nice guys” who lament the loss of prospective dates to allegedly unattainable guys who seemingly don’t deserve them, then I have groundbreaking news for you: you’re not one of the “nice guys,” either.

Kaitlin - bw

In terms of dating, the idea that nice guys never get the girl is a myth. Girls are looking for nice guys just as much as they were years ago. But if you’re a guy who is interested in a girl who is not interested in you, going on and on about the fact that girls don’t like nice guys, such as yourself, is, to be blunt, stupid. Nice guys don’t do that. They don’t blame girls on their poor dating choices, and they certainly don’t think girls owe it to them to date them because they’re “nice guys.”

Girls (and guys) are all ultimately looking for the same thing: someone they are compatible with, be it emotionally, intellectually, artistically, or sexually. If a girl doesn’t see you as compatible that does not give you the right to act wholly offended, as you console yourself with the fact that it’s because you’re a nice guy and that she isn’t interested in that. That’s not what she’s interested in, true, but that’s not what she isn’t interested in, either. Maybe you didn’t share the same sense of humor. Maybe your interests just didn’t line up. Maybe you smelled. There’s a plethora of reasons why a girl won’t date you, but not one of those reasons is because she does not want a nice guy.

If you’re emotionally manipulative enough to pontificate how women should want to date you, it is not because you’re intelligent, not because you’re interesting to talk to, or not because you’re a driven, ambitious individual. It is because you act like the nice guy at first – you compliment her, treat her nicely, and just do all of the things nice guys generally do. However, it is when you confess your feelings and discover the permanence of your uncomfortable stay in the “friend zone” that the nice guy facade is gone, and your true colors show.

Nice guys accept a girl’s decision, based on whatever reason(s) she may have, not to date him. They don’t immediately discontinue their nice treatment of the girls in question. They don’t write whiny articles and Facebook statuses about girls never liking nice guys. And they definitely don’t cut off the girl who “rejects” them because any further contact is a waste of time, given the new knowledge that a relationship will never happen, ever. If you do any of these things—and I know plenty of self-proclaimed nice guys who do—then you need to do some self-reflection. Because wallowing, complaining, and emotionally manipulating girls who just aren’t into you? It’s not nice.