10 Things College Students Don’t Want to Hear Over the Holidays

Alessia Bicknese

When we go home for the holidays, we are going home for three main reasons: real food, our beds, and our pets (and our parents of course – hi mom). As excited as we are to come home, we are all dreading being questioned about school related issues while trying to inhale our Christmas dinner. In light of the holiday season quickly approaching, here is a list of things that students will be reluctant to answer to during their food comas and binge watching of ABC Family’s “25 Days of Christmas” special.

1. How’s school?

Ah, the most-asked question to college students in the entire world. Here is what I want to say: “School is awful. I am full of anxiety, there are laxatives in the food, my professors hate me, I have 13 essays to write by tomorrow, my roommates smell, and I get two hours of sleep a night.” And of course, what I will actually say: “Good.”

2. What do you want to do after graduation?

Sleep. I want to sleep after graduation. I have no direction, but instead, I’ll say something extremely intelligent along the lines of, “I hope to fulfill all of my aspirations and to exceed through all of my endeavors, as I horseback my way through Europe with my colleagues.”

3. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

If you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you hate this question, and you want to stuff a pie in your Aunt Susan’s face for asking you, but you unwillingly reply with a “no, I don’t want a boyfriend/girlfriend,” and a smile instead.

4. Do you have a job?

Stop talking to me Aunt Susan, please. I am poor, and no one wants me to work for them because I put on my resume that I am lazy and a slacker. But really I will just tell Aunt Susan that I am too busy for a job. HA. To which she will ask…

5. What do you do between classes?

I sleep, I eat and I watch Netflix. Are you trying to make me feel bad about myself?

6. What do you do on the weekends?

I sleep, I eat and I watch Netflix. Are you trying to make me feel bad about myself?

7. I requested you on Facebook, I don’t think it went through!

“Aw man, I guess not!”

8. You got a little chunky, huh?

Damn it Aunt Susan, who invited you?

9. “Back when I was in college…”

You’re thinking, “nope, times have changed. Please don’t do this to me,” but instead you are trapped into a forty-minute story on how all the men wanted grandma Margie back in the day…

10. “Are you being safe?”

I don’t even know what you mean, and I don’t think I am comfortable replying, so I am going to chuckle and sip my drink and act like I just heard my mom calling me from the other room.

And there you have it. A quick summary of how your holiday breaks are going to go. Good luck with your Aunt Susan’s and Grandma Margie’s of the world! Happy Holidays!