Throughout my three and a half years as a student at the University of New Haven – only two and a half of those years being on campus due to the COVID-19 pandemic – I have learned a lot. Many of these lessons have appeared at the end of heartbreaks, fights and other tragic events. However, I know now not to repeat these in the future when I am a full-fledged adult and not a college student.
Know when to step back
There are many relationships that I made on campus that I wanted to be friendships or meaningful bonds in some way. However, that did not happen in all cases. While I made a lot of friends and lifelong relationships, there were some people that I was not able to sway using my humor and charm. I tried forcing these relationships but that did not work out for me and made things worse in the end. To avoid this, just step back from that person or group of people because it’s not worth stressing over.
Set your relationship standards before putting yourself out there
When I came to college, I had no standards for what I wanted in friendships and romantic relationships, with the latter being more important to me. Because I didn’t set standards and boundaries, I was essentially letting certain people walk all over me and disrespect me because I wanted to be liked. Do not let people do this to you; figure out what qualities that you want and do not want in a friend. This is because they can either be your ally or become your enemy.
See the red flags before engaging with someone
As a person who was desperate to grow her friend group and look for “the one” to spend the rest of my life with, I looked at how happy I was to be around people rather than looking at the warning signs that screamed out “stay away.” By engaging with people who did not have mere flaws that could be overlooked but instead red flags, I became caught up in friendships that, if I was smarter and acknowledged the warning signs, I would have stayed away.
Be okay with yourself
Most college students are just on the other side of puberty and preadolescence, so they still have a lot of emotions and insecurities. Because of this, they are looking at what they are uncomfortable with about themselves and saying, “I need to desperately fix this” or “I’ll accept anyone in my life who can overlook these things.” The former has led me to over-exert myself on different things, whether that was spending hours redoing my makeup, hating my hair or complaining that my clothes weren’t pretty enough. And the statement on accepting anyone overlooking my flaws has led me to be in close proximity with people who will use those insecurities to their advantage, acting like disrespecting you is something to be allowed. In order to be truly happy, you have to be happy with yourself first so other people can’t bring you down.
Don’t look at other people
The old advice of “don’t look in other people’s backyards” is relevant. For so long, I would look at other people and say “wow, I want that,” even becoming upset that I did not have what others had. I would later find out that that perfect persona being displayed was all an illusion. Now, I make sure to not look at what other people have because that could be lies, or simply that what you wanted does not actually make you happy.
When you are in college, you are bound to make plenty of mistakes. Just take this list and have it help you avoid some of those mistakes.