Breaking News! Because of an intelligence leak by the Department of Defense and the Trump administration, we are under attack by space aliens. Earlier this week, U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth leaked vital information about the United States’ space capabilities hidden in the top secret Area 51 air base. He did not know there was an alien imposter who, posing as a journalist, took this information and broadcasted it into outer space.
Before humans could blink, there were alien battle cruisers lined up in the sky, dreadnoughts and destroyers all in formation, with more troops converging on our own Moon. Their first target? The exact place where the intel had come from, the mysterious Area 51. A hyper-sonic missile was sent into the area, teleporting everything that was Area 51 into the Milky Way. Looking to protect his country and its secrets, Pres. Donald Trump immediately declared war on these creatures and mobilized the might of the U.S. military to protect planet earth.
According to top scientists, the aliens, calling themselves “The Zephyrex Dominion,” come from the world Vorlathis Prime. Up to now, NASA had been keeping this a secret, because gatekeeping information from the world about a life-supporting planet with sentient life is very important. According to Trump’s press secretary Karoline Leavitt, this is all we have about these alien aggressors, because most of our information was stored deep within Area 51, which is now floating in space. Supposedly, this imposter was a reconnaissance specialist, gathering information on our species and preparing for a global invasion.
Good going Hegseth, you’ve doomed humanity.
As of now nothing has happened other than Area 51 being obliterated. The world stands still, as its top leaders come up with a solution. If you look to the moon, you will see a large cluster of battleships, dropping troops and supplies onto the surface. Reports from the International Space Station say that the aliens are gathering on the Sea of Tranquility and that their military and religious leaders are amongst them. The astronauts aboard say the aliens appear to be seven feet tall with big purple heads and blue-green bodies. If I had to guess, they probably want to take our planet for its resources and enslave humanity.
Pres. Trump has called upon the U.S. Space Force (USSF) to lead the strike on the moon. Finally, a job for the Space Force! To give the public some hope, the USSF released intel on how they are going to defeat these aliens. Their top researchers have been working on an Intergalactic Ballistic Missile (IGBM for short), a warhead cable of reaching beyond the Moon. The military has given it the moniker “Cosmic Reaper,” hopefully it’s powerful enough to keep our planet safe. If not, who knows.
Known for their world class programs in Homeland and National Security, we set foot on the University of New Haven’s campus to get opinions from students. Brett Kohler, a student at the university, seemed strangely laid back about the end of the world.
“I knew this day would come,” said Kohler. “I’m going to find my tinfoil hat and green makeup, I came prepared.” He said he thought the President should “send a nuke to the moon and grab some popcorn.” Kohler then abruptly left, to stock up on aluminum foil and green paint.
Another student, Sabrina Paez, said, “Let them invade, humanity needs a factory reset.” Student Evelyn Moran said, “Might as well be one with the aliens, the world is doomed.” Panic is on the streets of the world now. The world is watching a potential war between humanity and aliens.
