Disclaimer: This article is considered a piece of satire meaning that it is not to be taken literally or seriously. Free healthcare is necessary.

At the ripe age of 12, I was diagnosed with type one diabetes – clearly, a uniquely American disease because of the obvious sugar factor because type one diabetes is not autoimmune – and I found out that I had to take insulin. Being nothing but a miserly sixth grader, I had no idea that insulin was even a hormone, and I certainly had no idea that not taking insulin would mean my imminent death. I also had no idea how cheap it would be and how little it would cost my parents, who had no expenses of their own. Especially with my father being diagnosed with an odd brain disease that caused him to lose his job, and therefore, his health insurance. And, God forbid, we needed any medication to survive, my only options would have been to sell one of my kidneys, which are vital for any diabetic to survive without dialysis, or to just drop dead. The latter sounds appealing.

After all, it’s my fault that I’m poor.

With this in mind, healthcare in the U.S. should not exist. It’s a waste of time and money for the government that they obviously do not have. Former President Donald J. Trump and his administration proposed the abolition of Obamacare – otherwise known as the Affordable Care Act – to then find something to replace it with after building a much-needed wall between the U.S. and Mexico. But why replace it at all? There’s no point to it. No one needs it. The sick are getting sicker, and ultimately it’s not the government’s problem: that’s what GoFundMe is for.

Instead of coming up with a new option for affordable healthcare for poor people, such as college students, eliminating all government-provided hospitals and health benefits, in general, should do the trick. One would pay for medical or similar treatments out-of-pocket if they want to. Neither the insurance industry nor the government would assist or obstruct the operation. It’d be so much simpler. It has strong protection in our Constitution, which protects human rights including freedom of expression and gun possession, but expressly excludes a right to healthcare. And I think that this fact is ridiculously beneficial.

As for the U.S. Declaration of Independence, while it guarantees our rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, it does not ensure that we can achieve them. Since good health is an important component of happiness, all people have the freedom to achieve it – but the government is under no duty to assist them.

Many factors contribute to happiness, including meaningful jobs, a sense of self, friendships and loving relationships. It is obviously not the government’s responsibility to provide us with the former and it should not be any different for healthcare. And when a college student such as myself needs insulin for an affordable price but cannot find it, I should just whip up a remedy to lower my blood sugar and try to not die – to me, this seems like a fantastic solution.

At this point, many will question how this will affect those who are ill. It will, by all means, but what fault is that of the government? They are not responsible for us acquiring chronic illnesses or treatable diseases. How are we to hold them accountable? The audacity!

The one thing the government wants us to remember is that an apple every day will keep the doctor away. And we should all do that if we want to live, obviously. And I live by that modest proposal.