The Monkey House: Money: The Final Frontier

Cullen Mclane

Guess what everyone; America is poor. All of our money is down the toilet. This includes the North American Space Administration, better known as NASA. You know what this means? We lack the necessary funds for space adventures. Well, we still have some money for space adventures, but just not enough for real good ones. Instead of a Kellogg’s Froot Loops quality space adventure, we might get an America’s Choice Loops.

NASA once had grand plans for Martian exploration. But unfortunately it looks like we’ll have to wait a little longer before we can finally meet old Marvin the Martian. Budget problems have caused NASA to drop out of a partnership with the European Space Agency that would have involved a lovely little space trip in 2018 that would have been a crucial first step in bringing Mars rocks back to Earth, which most scientists (you know, guys with white coats) would say is essential to determining if any sort of life could have existed there. Unfortunately, we’re too poor.

NASA does still have intentions of journeying to the red planet. They just need a way to do it for cheap. I did see a guy on the side of road offering five dollar space rides that one time; perhaps he could help? Cheap and space travel are words that just don’t go together very well. It’s been argued that space travel isn’t all that important, the standard argument being that we need to fix things down here first. However, space is really, really astoundingly big, and they’re could be a lot of stuff out there, much of which could be helpful to us in the future. And we should have an exit plan in the event aliens try to destroy us to make room for a space bypass.