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The Charger Battery

Joshua Van Hoesen

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Positives:

1. Just so all you girls out there know, even guys like flowers: they’re pretty, okay!? (Don’t tell anyone I said that, okay?) So it’s really nice to walk into Bartels and see all these flowers on the table. It adds a very nice touch and kudos to whoever thought of that idea!

2. Dun dun da dun dun da dun de dun de dun de dun da! For all you who are musically illiterate, that would be the presidential march! And you know what that means! That’s right: USGA elections are coming up. Applications have been turned in for all candidates, and it’s looking to be a doozy of a race with four people going for USGA president (myself included!). So make sure to keep an eye out for when polls open, and get out and vote!!! You may even win gift cards for Five Guys Burger and Fries…who knows! :p

Negatives:

1. Okay, so I am very thankful for the new waffle stations compared to last year…but are you really going to tell me now that I can’t have chocolate chips in my waffles because it has the possibility of making more of a mess? That’s like saying you shouldn’t have a water balloon fight because you have to clean up all the little rubber pieces afterwards! The benefits and the joy it brings is totally outweighed by the cost.

2. Rumor has it! Bartels will no longer be giving take out trays to students for breakfast and dinner. Really? I mean, are you really going to pull this one on the students? I know I sometimes snooze a little past my alarm clock and don’t have time to sit for awhile and leisurely eat my breakfast. For those times, I have to grab and go! Now explain to me how I’m going to do that without trays?

The Battery Charger:

Waffles are good and all, heck they pretty much make my morning, but like pretty much everything else in life sometimes the basic no matter how good it is, isn’t enough.

That’s where chocolate chip waffles come in. The carbohydrates in chocolate raise serotonin levels in the brain, resulting in a sense of well-being. This can help if you have a hard test that your stressing about (say Dr. Fiondella’s calc 2 mastery test on Wednesday) and we all know that when you’re feeling less stressed you’re more likely to do well.

Say you slept poorly, maybe had a nightmare that has you all freaked out. Chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine, a mild mood-elevating chemical that could help you calm down and make it easier to pay attention in class.

What happened to the university wanting the students to do well? With this no chocolate waffle policy students are being set up for failure!

That is not something I will stand for! Up in arms I say! Gather the mob! Grab the pitchforks! Light the torches! Oh wait: I’ve been informed that’s against university policy, so the next best thing Is to lodge a complaint on chargervoice.com (a student’s best friend if they have something to complain about).

My last and biggest grievance with this policy: it has been proven that men who eat chocolate live a year longer than those who don’t. With the no chocolate waffle policy I could die a year earlier then every other guy I know: is that a burden Sodexo really wants on their heads?

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The Charger Battery