To channel Saturday Night Live comedian, Seth Meyers: Really? Really Hollywood, are you serious? You know, in the world in which the United States abroad is often made fun of for our debt crisis, our never ending wars, our inability fix the problems with our electoral system (i.e. long voting lines) Hollywood is the last thing we have going for us. The world for decades and generations has been in awe of your riveting plot lines and iconic actors, however those days are long gone. The only response I have to the craptastic movies being released lately is really?
Yes, the empire is no longer. I do not say this in some fatalistic, “Woe-is-Hollywood” manner. You will be fine. Somehow the billions the Twilight movies pull in will see them through the dark ages and keep the studio executives warm at night. What I am bemoaning is the critical lack of creativity and bad casting decisions that seems to be permeating out of that town.
Really Hollywood? Is this all we have left? Rehashed unnecessary franchises? I mean, I practically screamed with horror last weekend at the movie theater when I saw a trailer for the next Die Hard sequel. This is the part where I epically sighed, although I actually palmed my face when I saw the poster for Carrie. Why does this movie need to be remade? Seriously? Sissy Spacek’s portrayal of the murderous girl with a bout of telekinesis was frightening enough. I doubt the story needed to be retold again.
Do not even get me started on the plethora of biopics. Let us start with the bizarre Nina Simone film coming up that has a lead actress that neither has the looks or acting depth to play such a legend. Nina Simone was a force for equality in her day, a woman who was very affected by societal expectations on beauty. So instead of casting, I don’t know Regina King or Adepero Oduye (actresses who actually look like the jazz legend I was named after), you cast the chick from Avatar? The one who’s greatest acting accolade involves being painted blue? Really? There were no other talented black actresses?
Whatever.
And seriously, how many Truman Capote and Alfred Hitchcock biographies are you going to make? There are so many other legends whose lives are so filled with interesting tidbits. Where is the Montgomery Clift or Rock Hudson biopic? Men who were handsome sex symbols, forced into the closet by the puritanical 1950’s? Good stuff. Make a freaking movie about it and stop drooling over Marylyn Monroe. Seriously, she was overrated. Katherine Hepburn and Elizabeth Taylor could out act her with their eyes closed and drunk off their faces.
Do not even get me started on the gauzy, white guilt liberal schmaltz fest that was Lincoln. Really? Really? If you wanted to make a movie about that period real abolitionist, make a movie about Thaddeus Stevens, the Radical Republican who advocated actual racial equality. Not about the shrewd politician whose wife’s family got rich on the backs of slaves. I know, Tommy Lee Jones was Thaddeus in the movie and did a kick ass job, but I find him more fascinating that old Abe. That’s just me. Or how about a movie about Nat Tuner? Nah, that’s asking for too much.
What do I know?
Sure Skyfall was good, but I noticed the best thing about it was its very British sensibilities. Dame Judy Dench, the Aston Martin, the constant drinking, the actually good actors who, you know, act well? (Twilight cast, I’m looking at you).
However, everything else is blah. Is it bad that the only movie I’m looking forward to is Django Unchained? Sure it will probably be offensive, gory and disturbing (this is Quentin Tarantino after all) but at least it is a bit outside the box. It is different, strange and seems artistically courageous.
Seriously Hollywood, if you don’t shape up, I will turn into a jaded cynic who watches art house and 1950’s and 1960’s movies. Oh, wait. I already am.
Great, as I wrote this, I am reminded that there is a Boy Meets World sequel in the works.
Once again, I palm my face…
