One Million Moms Are Insane

Cullen Mclane

Parents, it’s awful! Don’t shop at JC Penny’s! For the love of all that is holy, do not shop there! Your kids will lose all their family values! That’s what the organization called “One Million Moms” seems to think. Wow, just the name makes them sound obnoxious.

“One Million Moms” (holy monkey house that is a lot of moms) is after JC Penny simply because Ellen Degeneres, a woman who is openly homosexual, is their new spokesperson. This is apparently bad or something I guess; I don’t really know.  These are probably the same women who try to censor the violence when classic cartoons are shown on TV. (Can’t believe they cut out that gag where Daffy kills himself… but I digress.)

Maybe, just maybe though, “One Million Moms” has some kind of argument here. Maybe it really is wrong for JC Penny to have…. actually, no, it’s not worth all the effort. I usually like to look at everybody’s side, but in this case it’s just not even possible. These people are just too stupid for me to be fair and balanced, to put it Fox

“Newsian” terms.

So basically “One Million Moms” is against homosexuality. So thus they want to keep it away from their children or something because Jesus said so or something like that. But even assuming that’s okay (which is a whole other article that I will never do), their logic just makes no sense. Do these people just want every gay and lesbian on Earth to never have a job? Do they realize that our economy is already in the toilet?

Though considering that they are a family organization, their primary concern is probably the children. It’s easy to picture Helen Lovejoy in this organization shouting her famous “won’t somebody please think of the children?” line. But enough Simpson’s references; their problem is children being exposed to homosexuality. Well, for one thing, Ellen Degeneres isn’t marketing to kids. If kids even know who she is, it’s probably just for recognizing her as the voice of Dorie from Finding Nemo (wonder if these parents even let their kids watch that movie).

Also, her marketing for JC Penny doesn’t even have anything to do with her sexuality. No department store airs commercials that say “Hey, I’m gay; come buy some jeans!”  Their goal just seems to make no sense. Even if one was to take their side from an ethical perspective, it still makes no sense. It seems like they just want to put someone out of work for being homosexual, and if you apply that in principle to the world beyond just JC Penny and Ellen DeGeneres, it’s just something only the craziest of Christian fundamentalists could actually argue in favor of.

Hmm, got kind of preachy in this one. Sorry, folks! Won’t happen again!