SATIRE
Toys “R” Us –– the land of hopes, dreams and overpriced toys –– is remembered by Americans having visited children. Even if you weren’t going to buy Barbie dolls or Lego sets from the store, it was an amazing experience just to go.
In 2017, the company filed for bankruptcy and shut down all its stores, causing tears to fall down every Toys “R” Us customer. However, do not fret, as the iconic store is being resurrected at the University of New Haven.
Construction is already underway at Forest Hills – the university-sponsored apartnments – to replace the residential hall with a Toys “R” Us. This comes after an announcement last Friday that said the university is partnering with Toys “R” Us and beginning that partnership with the construction of the store on campus.
It may seem stupid to replace an upper-class residence hall with a bankrupt business, but there are some great outcomes stemming from this smart decision. One of which being that all Forest Hills residents will be given the opportunity to be employees of Toys “R” Us. These employees will receive a free plushie of Geoffrey the Giraffe— the Toys “R” Us mascot— wearing a University of New Haven hoodie.
All students will receive a 2% discount off all purchases from Toys “R” Us, along with a free photo of themselves with Geoffrey and Charlie the Charger. These photos will have more value, not just because Geoffrey is an icon to children, but also because he and Charlie are rumored to be in a romantic relationship.
An anonymous online source leaked photos of Charlie and Geoffrey together enjoying undercooked chicken at the Marketplace and canoodling in a huddle room at the Bergami Center for Science, Technology and Innovation.
Neither the university nor Toys “R” Us have made any comments on the relationship between Charlie and Geoffrey, other than claiming excitement for the partnership. And that relationship may not last long, as there are plans for Charlie to replace Geoffrey as the Toys “R” Us mascot.
Romance, nostalgia and incredibly low student discounts have graced the university, making this collaboration a success.