SATIRE

Food is something that we all love and enjoy, and while we all have unique pallets, some people just take it too far. They may think they are being fun and creative by coming up with new concoctions to eat, but in reality, they are just gross and need to seek mental help for some of the things that they put together.

As a community, we need to work together and take these people down before they spread their propaganda and ridiculous eating habits around the world. If you know anyone who enjoys any of these creations, call up your local prison and see if they can reserve a special seat for them in complete isolation.

Let’s go over some of the most notable food combinations from Hell:

Ketchup and eggs

Let’s make this simple. If you put ketchup on your eggs in any form, you are the epitome of the human downfall and cannot be trusted. Eggs are not meant to have a liquified tomato anywhere near them and it simply ruins a perfectly good-tasting breakfast food.

If you know or see anyone who commits this crime, please do anything you can to rescue them from their ways and vividly explain to them that they are basically committing war crimes and are a threat to society. Ruining something as delicious as a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich by putting ketchup on it is not something that should be taken lightly and should never be requested in any bagel store ever again.

Pineapple on pizza

This is a relatively newer food combination that people think is good and I wish we could go back to a time before this was even a consideration. Adding fruit to an already perfect slice of pizza is counterproductive. Eating pizza is supposed to take your mind off eating healthy, but now people are insistent that it is good and are trying to take over the world with their awful opinions.

Instead of adding fruit to a fresh slice, try adding something that will make good members of society think you are a normal person. Sausage, pepperoni, extra cheese and bacon are good examples of a quality pizza topping, not a tropical fruit. Please question your upbringing if you like pineapple on your pizza.

Oreos dipped in water

If you dip Oreos in anything other than milk, you are already a threat to society. If you dip them in water, your tongue should be ripped out of your mouth and you should never be allowed to eat again. How can you possibly ruin a cookie as perfect as an Oreo by not dipping it in its perfect combination? Please save one of the greatest cookies ever created for someone who will eat them properly.

French fries and ice cream

This may not seem gross at first, but just imagine dipping a salted french fry into a cone of chocolate ice cream. It just doesn’t work. Adding salt to something as sweet as ice cream is something that I have been convinced to try, but I would rather be a normal person who doesn’t eat crazy food concoctions. Maybe your local prison will have the option to do this, but let’s keep our world safe from this combination. Thank you in advance.

Peanut butter and pickles

Yuck. I hope a maximum security prison has enough space for your twisted soul. These two foods should never be mentioned in the same sentence, let alone in your mouth at the same time. If anyone tries to convince you to try this, they are not a good friend and want to see your taste buds shrivel up and disappear. Do not try this as long as you shall live.

Hopefully, if you are reading this, you are a good person who has no intention of trying any of these. If you ever encounter people who have tried, or want to try, these combinations, stop them and force them to get help. We need to put an end to these combinations that have been sent to this planet to destroy us.