One of the hardest conversations for an 18-year-old often takes place right before their freshman year of college. Two teenagers must make a decision: Break up for the true “college experience?” Or tough it out and face the dreaded term for all high school sweethearts: long-distance.
Beginning college in a long-distance relationship can make an already difficult transition even harder. Being in a relationship where an individual does not get to see a partner for months can be challenging. According to Survive LDR, a blog dedicated to providing advice to individuals in long-distance romances, 75% of college students have been in long-distance relationships. Additionally, 32.5% of all long-distance relationships are college relationships.
However, studies show that only 2% of high school sweethearts last through college.
Madelyn Ring, a University of New Haven sophomore, was in a long-distance relationship during her first semester of college. The relationship ended after seven months when the couple succumbed to the pressures and challenges that came with loving someone far away. According to Ring, the main downfall of her relationship was the lack of trust from her partner.
“He never trusted me, no matter what I was doing,” said Ring. “I was communicative, kind, honest, and extremely loyal. I always went out with the same friends on the weekend, and I wasn’t friends with any guys. I would go weeks without going out with my friends just to ensure he felt secure in our relationship.”
Ring also said that the amount of electronic communication her partner desired was overwhelming for her.
“On a daily basis he needed to talk to me at least three times a day,” said Ring. “Not texts, one-to-three hour calls or facetimes a day. I felt like I was being smothered so I started going out more and then we just ended up fighting anytime I tried to go out.”
The New York Post says according to a study of 1,000 Americans who have been in long-distance relationships, the average long-distance couple will send each other 343 texts and spend eight hours a week talking on the phone or video chatting. This can be strenuous for college students who also need to find time for classes, homework, studying and being social. As with Ring’s experience, many students with long-distance partners find themselves being less social than their single friends in real life.
Texting and calling do not solve all the problems in a long-distance relationship. Lack of physical intimacy can be a significant factor in a long-distance relationship as well. The New York Post survey said that 31% of individuals in long-distance relationships said that they missed sex the most.
A 2024 survey by Sexual Alpha said the top three reasons people say long-distance relationships fail are lack of communication, jealousy and cheating. The study also said that 22% of people in long-distance relationships admitted to cheating on their partner. This can be common among college students who are experiencing living on their own for the first time, often in coeducational dormitories. The threat of cheating and disloyalty can often bring down a relationship even when cheating never actually occurs. When partners are forced to be apart from each other for the first time, there are often issues with trust and communication.
Statistics and horror stories of long-distance relationships in college can be intimidating and lead to the question: Is it worth it? Couples face the challenge with high hopes but still end up being another statistic.
Of course, that’s not always the case. Some couples make it and claim that long-distance can make a relationship stronger. 81% of the 1,000 surveyed individuals said being in a long-distance relationship made in-person visits more intimate and special. The data also shows that if a long-distance relationship can survive the eight-month mark, the relationship gets a lot easier.
Looking to beat the statistics is University of New Haven freshman, Viana McKinley. McKinley and her partner have been together for two years. Despite the success of her relationship, McKinley has also faced many of the same issues that all long-distance couples go through while trying to maintain a healthy and enjoyable experience.
“The biggest challenges we have faced while being long distance in college is one of the most basic things in a relationship: communication,” said McKinley. “After a while, when you’ve settled in and started to form friendships away at college, it gets progressively harder to communicate as well as you did back home when you lived six minutes from each other.”
Without proper communication, researchers say individuals are left to wonder what their partner is up to. For young college students, those thoughts often lead to worry, which leads to mistrust.
McKinley said that to ensure the quality of her relationship, communication is imperative.
“What has worked so far to maintain the relationship is trying to be open about when you are free to have a quick phone call or a catch-up FaceTime,” said McKinley. “We have learned that it doesn’t have to be an hour-long talk but even just a ten-minute catch up about your day goes a long way in making you feel happy and connected.”
Besides communication, McKinley said that jealousy and loneliness are other factors that can have an impact on her relationship and her overall college experience.
“I have been able to still experience college to the fullest extent that I want to while having a boyfriend,” said McKinley. “I have gotten the chance to make new friends and to still excel in school. However, it is a little harder having to see your friends go out and talk about meeting new people or getting crushes when all you want to do is to be able to hug your partner. I think that has been the biggest difference in my college experience in comparison to that of my friends.
“If you really, truly want it, then you have to work for it,” said McKinley. “Nothing comes easy anymore in college, and that’s the same with long-distance relationships.”