By MELANIE STONE
Dear Melanie,
Recently, this guy and I have been talking nonstop. He seems to really like me, and vice versa. We have been hanging out more often, sometimes in a group and sometimes alone. Some of these hang outs have felt like dates, but neither of us have labeled them that way. I guess my real question is, how can you tell whether a hang out is just a hang out or a “date.”
-Anonymous
In any relationship labeling can definitely complicate things, especially in romantic ones. It is tough to put a label on anything because people feel if they do the other person involved will have some preconceived idea.
That is where confusion starts, and heartbreaks end it all. No one likes to be hurt, so people tend to avoid labels because once something is spoken it becomes “true.” There is more pressure to chew with your mouth closed, or hold the door open for a girl if “hanging out” is labeled as a date.
That being said, most guys today will not waste their time hanging out with a girl if they don’t see it going somewhere. If a guy wants a girl for just sex, they will not be texting here, calling her or wanting to hang out with her at any other time besides 2 a.m. on a Saturday night.
The fact that you both have hung out alone (or even in groups) multiple times seems to suggest that he is not just in it with some ulterior motive. He is making an effort, and if it seems like you both have feelings there, then you most likely both do. After a certain amount of time, I feel like it is okay for a girl to ask a guy what they are, where they stand, and where they should they go from there.
Of course, at first it would be a little odd if on the second “date” (yes, I’m going to call it a date because I think the effort he is putting in makes it easy to know that he cares deeper then you think) you asked when the “Facebook status” should go up. But come on, after a certain amount of time you can’t let him keep dragging his feet either.
There needs to be a point when you bring up your concerns. Seeing how he addresses them will also tell you if your gut feelings were right (which I think it’s safe to assume they are). Don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind. You’re allowed to want answers; no one likes to feel like they’re stuck in a continuum. Talking to him could be all you need to know everything you’re wondering. Give it a try.
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