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Dear Melanie,

I love all of my friends and I would do anything for them, but, lately, I have been feeling like I’m being taken advantage of. Recently, I went with some friends to a concert and I bought my friend’s ticket because I wanted to make sure we sat together. She said she would pay me back for the ticket but it’s been a few weeks since the concert and she still hasn’t and she goes out to eat and to party all the time. It’s not about the money, but I feel like it’s more about respect at this point. What should I do?

-Concerned Concert Goer

Hi Concert Goer,

It really stinks that this is happening; you are supposed to be able to trust that your friends respect you and would be the last people to take advantage of you. I think that you should directly ask her when she is going to pay you back. Sitting back and not saying anything is not the way to handle this; it can lead to resentment. Maybe she totally forgot that she still hasn’t paid you back and just needs a gentle reminder.

If she doesn’t pay you back after that, then you should sit down and talk to her about it. This probably isn’t the only thing that has made you feel like she is taking advantage of you, so this would be the time to bring all of your issues out. Resentments in friendships are toxic; eventually you’ll end the friendship over a fight over frozen yogurt if you continue this way.

Communication is key in any relationship—friendships included. If there is something wrong, it is best to address it as quickly and tactfully as possible. Don’t accuse her of taking advantage of you right off the bat, but do not just stay quiet and stew with your issues. Maybe she’s going through something and hasn’t told you. The best way to handle this is to open the lines of communication.

xoxo,
Melanie