Dear Melanie,

I have been really busy with school and work, and my boyfriend is getting really needy. We have been dating for a month or two and I really could see us going somewhere, but I’m just not sure what to do because my grades and work still come first. Any suggestions?

The bottom line is that right now you are in school, and like you said in your question, your grades have to come first. I know you two haven’t been dating very long at all so you can only imagine what this person will be like if it’s a year down the road and you want to take an internship in France. If someone loves you, or could potentially be a long-term partner, then they will understand the other priorities in your life and will push you to accept new opportunities even if it means less time with them.

I’m not saying however, that you should simply break up with your boyfriend because of these issues because a lot of this “needy” behavior could be because your relationship is so new, or he is just used to a different kind of relationship. I think your best bet is to sit down with him and tell him how you’re feeling. Let him know that you are overwhelmed by what you are going through and that you want your relationship to work, but you feel that you need a little more support on his end.

At the end of the day, it could be a good thing that you are realizing this behavior so early in your relationship because you can either work on the problem right away and fix it, or you can simply realize that you might be better off as friends and at least you aren’t so far into the relationship where a lot is at stake.

I can try and give you all of the advice in the world, but the only person who will help you come to a solution is yourself. If you feel like you can talk to this person then you should and if not, then they might not be the one for you. It is a fine line between having a healthy relationship and having one that consumes you and if you are truly in love, or could see yourself soon being in love with your boyfriend then I think it is important you both work on finding that balance. If you sit back and think that at the end of the day it isn’t worth it to invest all of this time into fixing what is clearly a little broken, then it is good you realized now before both of you invested more time and emotion.

I really hope that this works out for you and that you are able to come to some happy solution. Relationships are hard but when they’re right, they’re so worth it. Take a deep breath and try to really prioritize what you want out of this situation, because that’s the only way you’ll come to a solution for yourself, and then you can clearly project that to your boyfriend. Talking to him won’t help until you realize what you really need. Good luck!