Dear Melanie,

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years, but now and he is out of school and working a full time job. I graduate at the end of next year, which is when he would like to get engaged. Although I know I want to spend my life with him, I’m not sure if I feel comfortable getting engaged before I am financially stable and secure. Any advice?

We hear so many times in our life the importance of love over money and how love can conquer anything, but I do believe there has to be some practicality behind every relationship, so I think you’re bringing a valid concern to the table.

While financial stability isn’t key to a healthy or happy relationship, it definitely can help take away unnecessary stress. When you get married you want to be happy and able to enjoy things together that may take time to save up for, and it’s not unescapably a bad thing to want that time so that you’re able to have that.

You do have to take into consideration, however, that your boyfriend is out of school and already working a full time job so he doesn’t feel that he’s needing to gain that financial cushion and stability since he has it already. With that being said, the one thing you’re wanting so badly, he already has, and when you’re married your “things” become married as well. It’s normal to want your own financial constancy, but getting engaged doesn’t mean you’ll lose that; you’ll just be more serious with the man you love while approaching your goals at the same time, which is totally doable.

I am a hopeless romantic for sure, and I think the one thing you said in your question that really stood out to me was, “although I know I want to spend forever with him.” Saying that means so much more than saying you want financial stability and I think deep down you know that too. At the end of the day having that man to come home to every night, supporting you and loving you, is going to mean so much more than having your own bank account with a few more zeros, and who’s to say you won’t have both?

The bottom line is an engagement is simply two people saying they are ready to commit to the idea of spending forever together, something you already said you can do. Now obviously you should never say yes to something if you aren’t fully sure you want it, but you also shouldn’t say no if you believe he’s the man for you.

Getting engaged is really scary, but it doesn’t have to be the bad kind of scary. A little fear of any change is healthy. At the end of the day no one can tell you when you are or aren’t ready to say “I do,” but if you look at your life ten years from now and see your boyfriend still in it, why push off the inevitable?