Dear Melanie,

I really do love my boyfriend, but I always find myself being interested in other men. I haven’t cheated yet, but I am always tempted to, and I feel like I’m the only girl who feels this way when I shouldn’t even care about other guys in my presence. I don’t want my boyfriend to get hurt in the end, but I also don’t want to keep passing down the temptation. What do I do?

It is easy to say you love someone, but it is much harder to prove it. I have to say that from someone who knows for a fact they’ve been in love before, the temptation of always wanting something else is never a factor. You may love your boyfriend as a friend and truly care about him, but if you constantly want to romantically be with someone else, then something is wrong.

When you love someone, and I mean really love him or her, it should completely consume you. They should be all you think about and your mind should never wander to what ifs with someone else. If it does wander, you need to take a look at the big picture and really prioritize where your life is and where you want it to go. If you think you could seriously have a future with your boyfriend and you know that you love him with all your heart, then maybe the idea of that scares you a little bit, so deal with the fear you think about subconsciously, instead of ruining it by cheating.

The fact that you have never cheated says something about the situation. Most people that face the temptation so much are not meant to be with their significant other and they give in much more easily. The fact that you are holding off means that you must really care about your boyfriend in some way but it is up to you to figure out which way that is. Do you love him because of your past together, or do you love him for all of that and what’s to come?

I can understand that what you’re going through internally must be such a struggle right now, but you owe it to yourself and your boyfriend to make a decision quickly. If you don’t love him in the way you used to, then let him know. Although it may hurt, I can tell you he’ll appreciate your honesty so much more in the long run.

However, consider the fact that you may just be scared of what you feel. Your subconscious could be forcing you to self-sabotage because it’s easier than feeling as if you may have found “the one.”

Love can be a scary thing, but if you feel like you’ve really found it, don’t let it go. If you think that there is something better out there for you though, or feel like you just need your space, tell your boyfriend. It will all work out so much better than if you act on the temptations and end up hurting him in the process.