Dear Melanie,

Dear Melanie,

It’s been a year since my ex and I broke up, but we still talk all the time and do things together that make people think we’re together. We still talk to each other like we’re in a relationship, but plans only work out if they’re on his terms. Last week a guy who I think is really cute asked me to go out on a date with him and I said no because I still feel like I’m taken by my ex. I really would love to go on this date and move on, do you have any advice?

Normally after a break up things go one of two ways; you never talk again and after a few months you forget what it even felt like to have that person as a part of your everyday life. or you continue to talk as “friends” and feelings continue to resurface all the time until ultimately you’re back together again. Being in that limbo of emotions can be very difficult, especially for an entire year, so I think you need to make an executive decision to protect your heart.

Although your ex may not intentionally be stringing you along, that is what he’s doing. You should definitely sit down and talk to him about the opportunity for a date that you were presented with and see how he feels about it. If he seems really upset, then I think you need to give him some sort of ultimatum and let him know he has to choose between being with or without you; he can’t have his cake and eat it to.

A relationship takes two people, two hearts, two opinions and two minds to work successfully whether it’s a friendship or a romantic one. Your opinion and terms should matter just as much as his. If he acts fine with the date then go on it! I know it could be really difficult to push your emotions aside and give another guy a chance when your heart is so invested in someone else, but it may be the difference between being able to ever move on or not, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Everyone deserves to be happy in life, and though your ex may make you happy right now, he is only that; your ex. Because you see each other all of the time and still act like a couple, it is easy to live in a state of pretend bliss, but at some point you’re going to have to face that your not his anymore and there is someone out there who is going to be proud to call you theirs.

This is definitely a time where you need to talk to your ex and lay everything out on the table. If he begs you to stay with him, then you know you have worked towards getting back together for an entire year and it was all worth it. If he doesn’t, then you know you deserve more, and while it may hurt like hell, picking yourself up and moving on will be the best thing for you in the end.