Dear Melanie,

I dated a guy for nearly a year. We went through so much together. He broke up with me a few weeks ago completely out of the blue, but says he still wants to be with me? I am totally in love with him, but I don’t know how much longer I can go on feeling confused and hurt. We act like we’re together, nothing about us is different from when we dated, he just doesn’t want the label of boyfriend and girlfriend and that makes me feel so insecure. I’m not sure whether I should stay with him in this weird in-between phase, or just move on. Any advice?

-Hopelessly in Love

Dear “Hopelessly in Love,”

This is a question I can definitely relate too. I can understand how confused you must be and I can imagine how much that hurts. You have to think about a few things when a boy suddenly doesn’t want a label anymore (I say boy, because a man is an overstatement for someone that runs from commitment). I am sure all of these questions have gone through your head, “Is there somebody else?” “Did someone make him do this?” “Did I do something wrong?”

You may never know the real answer, but one thing I can tell you is you didn’t do anything wrong. If he still wants to be with you, but not be official, that means he can’t be away from you and that’s a good thing believe it or not. If there was someone else, or if he was just sick of you, you’d know it.

To me, it seems like there is something a lot deeper going on here. I wish I could turn psychic and tell you exactly what it is. You had said in your question that he broke up with you “completely out of the blue,” if this is the case then something isn’t matching up.

He broke up with you with no motive behind it, he still wants to be with you, he loves you, he’s acting like your boyfriend, but he can’t say that’s what he is. See the inconsistency here?

If he is easy to talk to, then I say you need to sit down and lay it all out on the table. Tell him how you’re feeling, explain what his tug-of-war with himself is doing to you, try and make him understand that this isn’t normal and that if you love someone you should be able to be with them.

I am never one to give ultimatum’s, and I do think that sometimes they make things a bit more complicated than they need to be however, this is a time where I believe one should be implemented. If he loves you, as much as he says he does, then maybe losing you will be the wake-up call he needs.

If he has you as his girlfriend now without the title, what will ever make him want to give it to you? You need to let him see that he is driving you away. I am sure you are an amazing person who does not deserve the hurt and confusion you are feeling.