Dear Melanie,

I am a freshman and am dating someone who has already graduated college. I told my parents and they want me to stop seeing him because they think he is too old for me. I don’t want to lie to them, but I still want to date this boy. Help!

-Stuck in the Middle

Dear “Stuck in the Middle,”

First of all I want you to know that when you come to school as a freshman you feel like you are on your own schedule; you have fewer classes than high school, and so much more time to focus on your social life. Let me be the first to tell you that I have been there and done that. Sooner or later it will become very difficult to keep the balance between school, work, friends, and a boyfriend, who has already graduated and has a different mind-set for life whether that is clear to see now or not.

Sometimes such a minor age difference doesn’t seem like anything, but you soon realize that being in college and in the working world, will put you two years apart in terms of aspirations, goals and ideas.

That was the mother in me, now here comes the friend in me that understands exactly what you’re going through! I am probably the biggest hopeless romantic in the entire New England area and so I need to say that if you truly love this guy, no one should come in the way of that, especially your parents. Your parents are in love, they were crazy about each other when they first started dating, and so they should realize that if they had been forced to break up they would have resented whoever did that to them. The same rules apply for you.

Now, when you become a parent your mindset changes and that is completely understandable. You want what is best for your child and you’ll go to any length to make sure their life is a success. Sometimes however, you can push for that so hard that you wind up forcing the exact opposite to happen. Soon you have a very sad daughter who misses the man she loves and has no desire to do anything except eat icing and watch The Notebook.

I think your best bet would be to sit your parents down (it might not hurt if your boyfriend came along too) and tell them that you know where they are coming from, but you’re gown up now (as much as they may hate to hear that). You can make your own decisions and though they may not always be the best ones, at least you can learn from them on your own. They may not go for this right away, but I think they will appreciate the fact that you sat them down in a mature way to defend your decision. The fact that your boyfriend is there as well, may show them that he is in this for more than just what they think, and that he must care because he is making such an uncomfortable effort for you.

I really hope that this helps. No one should be told who they can and can’t be with because at the end of the day, someone can talk to you all they want about your relationship, but your heart will never change it’s mind. It is important that you step cautiously though. I am assuming that you met this boy at school and the age difference could become problematic. As long as you two vow to be honest with one another all the time and keep an open-communication relationship, everything should work out for the best. Plus, if he agrees to come talk to your parents with you, I’d say you’ve found a keeper.

Good luck!