By MELANIE STONE
Is there trouble in paradise? Do you have love or relationship questions? Ask Melanie!
Submit “Ask Melanie” requests to [email protected], our Facebook page or Twitter.
I guess I’ll start off by introducing myself. My name is Melanie Stone, and I am starting a new column this year for The Charger Bulletin all about relationships.
You can submit your questions to the Bulletin’s email, or our Facebook page, and in the following week’s issue, I will do my best to guide you in the right direction. I will not always have the right answer, but I will always have a solid opinion, and sometimes I feel like that is all of you need.
In this article, I am going to be discussing my point of view on coming into college in a serious relationship, and the pros and cons on this issue. I cannot wait to get feedback and hear from all of you about your relationship questions, because let’s face it; you do not have a real relationship if you don’t have problems.
Someone once told me that a first love means so much because of the innocence that it holds. It is the first time you actually let your guard down for someone. You let them into your deepest thoughts, your every wish, and your heart.
First loves normally come at a young age, and they tend to fade at a young age, too. No matter what though, a first love means more to some people than any love after.
Many people go into college still in that “first love” from high school phase. When you reach college, however, one or both of you will most likely come to realize that the person you love was the best match for you out of your entire high school, or town, but there is a whole world out there of people who are a lot better suited for you.
Going into college in a serious relationship is very hard, but I will say that if you two are meant to be together, it will work itself out.
In order for the relationship to work you need a very high level of trust. You need to be able to believe that with sometimes months at a time apart, your significant other will not betray you in anyway, and visa versa.
There are a couple ways of going about seeing if the one you love is your one true love.
The one that I think always works best is taking a break. Now I am sure you have all heard of this before, but by taking a break, I mean a legitimate time to think. Not a time to go have sex with a million other people, and then get back together because you both had your fun. That is not a real relationship, and will never grow into anything past physical attraction.
The best way to work a break is to set ground rules. You guys will not talk on the phone, text, Facebook, tweet, or have any form of communication for at least three weeks. In that three-week period, you both will try to find yourselves at school, without relying on one another. Whether you realize it or not, you are a different person once you are in a relationship.
It will be a break, not a break up. Therefore, you will not date other people, but you can explore what is out there and meet new people.
If either of you meet someone that makes you want to take them out, or go out to dinner with them, then chances are you are ready to explore other options, and finalize this as a break up.
It is easiest if you go into this thinking of it as a break, because most of the time one of you will realize that there is more out there than just the first love you thought you would always be with.
The other percent of the time, both of you will come back even stronger, realizing that you never want to be apart again, and then you know that what you have is something special.
I guess the best way to look at entering college in a long distance relationship is to think of it as test-driving a newer model of the car you have always had. If you really like your car, then test-driving a newer model will just make you fall in love with it even more and adapt to the new features along the way.
If however, you are tempted by another one in the lot, do not waste your old car’s time and just move on to a new dealership altogether.
Remember that though a first love is special, it is not the only love you will ever have. If college puts too much strain on your relationship, it may not be meant to be, or may just not be meant for right now.
You never know what is going to happen in the long run. Five years from now you could meet each other somewhere on the street, and everything could fall back into place quicker than it ever did before.
Life is unpredictable, love is scary, but together the rush they give you is a feeling that is irreplaceable.
Don’t be afraid to take chances, listen to your brain, and follow your heart. When the two contradict each other, go with the one that feels right, and you’ll never be wrong.
