Soul Mates of Sole Mate?

Melanie Rovinsky

“You’ll find him.” “He just wasn’t the one.” “We are meant to be.”

At some point or another, all of us have fallen victim to uttering some less-than-creative variation of one of the above statements. While often meant to be comforting, the prospect of having a soul mate is actually rather daunting.

I’m not sure what I believe. As a hopeless romantic who spends her spare time watching sappy TV shows and movies, I can’t help but smile goofily at the thought of each individual being predestined to fall in love with just one other person. However, after living in the real world for over 20 years, I find myself needing a more rational answer.

I am far from a cynic. I believe in fate, true love, karma, and happy endings, but even so, I find it hard to believe that there is only one perfect match for each person. In a world of over six billion people, how would anyone ever single out their one soul mate? In the term “soul mate,” the “soul” being referred to is an individual’s spirit… not “sole” as in just one. However, it is up to you to determine what you believe. There is, of course, no right or wrong answer.

Throughout our lives, we come in contact with thousands, maybe millions, of different people. Some individuals’ roles are fleeting, while others linger, leaving lasting impressions on us. And every now and then, we come across someone who seems to “get” us. Someone who understands our hopes, our dreams, and our feelings. Someone who satisfies our soul. This person isn’t always a significant other – he or she can be a friend, or even a stranger.

There are certain connections we make with some people that simply cannot be explained. These links come in many forms, such as meeting someone who shares and understands your greatest (and most bizarre) fear, or being able to be completely honest with a person you have just met. Regardless of each person’s role in your life, your soul is inexplicably drawn to individuals who can offer you what you desire. Your soul is smart enough to know that you will never find just one person to satisfy all of your needs, and to compensate, it finds many mates for itself.

Obviously, in a more stereotypical way, “soul mate” refers to the one person whom you love and who loves you back in the same intensity. Even for me, a person who has been involved and in love with the same boy for nearly five years, the idea of having just one soul mate is pretty disconcerting. Imagine the distress this misleading term places on individuals who have not yet found their so-called “one true love.”

I’d like to believe that each person has a few soul mates – a few people whom they could truly be happy with. I don’t mean to say that soul mates are a dime a dozen. If you are lucky enough to have found someone who compliments the very essence of who you are, don’t relinquish that in hopes of finding something better.

Sadly, life isn’t like the movies. It’s more complicated, more strenuous, and a hell of a lot more messy… and the only thing we can hope for is to find someone to share that chaos with.

Editor’s note: UNH counselors are available throughout the week if you need relationship help!