Screw The Hedgehog!-Sonic, The Restaurant

The Charger Bulletin

In a land far, far, away, there lies a vast wilderness of love, magic, and food. This wilderness is in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. This past Sunday, I had the great pleasure and luck to be able to travel to this faraway land. “But Zack!” you may ask, “what is so great about Nazareth, Pennsylvania!?”
Well the answer, Questioner, is not much. It’s just a plain old city in PA with a McDonald’s, Wal-Mart, and the like. There wasn’t much that was special about it. Except one non-hedgehog-like thing. Sonic.
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My friend and fellow traveler D-Money and I decided that it was our prerogative to venture to this unbeknownst restaurant. To be frank, most of us who are from Connecticut, Massachusetts, and New York have never been to these restaurants-but have only seen the ads on television. Since it’s cheaper to advertise nationally, we get the pleasure of learning all about the fun food Sonic has to offer, but we never get to enjoy eating any of it. So here we are in New England with the closest Sonic in New Jersey.

But for those of you who were asking what this heavenly oasis is like, the answer is this: Sonic is a godsend. It’s amazing. It’s like the fourth Indiana Jones until the freakin’ alien thing. WTF, George Lucas!

As we drove up to the restaurant, we were amazed at the size of the line going up to it: we waited in it for a good 15 minutes before reaching the front. Once there, we drove around to the drive-in and ordered as much as we could. Hell, we weren’t going three hours each way to just get a soda!

If you’re one of the many who have seen the commercials and wondered if it would be worth the trip, let me be the first to answer “yes.” The food was delicious: cherry limeade slushes, Reese’s and M&M shakes, cheeseburger, toaster sandwich, fries, chili cheese dog, cheesey tots … fantastic. Fan-f’ing-fastic.

The venture was well worth it, and one that you should definitely go on if you find a friend as amicable to take the journey with. Screw Harold and Kumar, they chose the wrong restaurant. Sonic is so good that I wouldn’t be surprised if it were the favorite restaurant of Martin Luther King, Jr., Tim Fasano, and Jesus Christ.

I have decided that I will call President Bush this weekend and ask him to replace each and every jail in the country with a Sonic. They’re the ultimate correctional facility, and will surely fix those who have murdered and robbed. Hell, a boulder could’ve fallen on my car after eating at Sonic and I wouldn’t have cared one bit. I was happy and fulfilled, and nothing was ruining that feeling.

You may have gone home this weekend and won the lottery, visited your girlfriend and got laid, or had dinner with Angelina Jolie and her plethora of adopted children. But you didn’t go to Sonic. I did. My eyes have been opened, and I am now a better person for this experience.