Embarrassing! These teams continue to lose despite top draft picks and ‘good’ game strategies

Lindsay Giovannone, Sports Editor

We all do embarrassing things from time to time, but these five football teams are putting themselves through unprecedented levels of humiliation. Halfway through week four of the 2021 NFL season, the totally defeated Detroit Lions, New York Giants, Jacksonville Jaguars, New York Jets and Indianapolis Colts are causing many of their supporters to consider becoming Tampa Bay Buccaneers fans.

The Detroit Lions said their new coaching staff was “incredibly picked” and they were “excited” for the season. This coaching staff pushed the team to an exciting losing start, rallying them to statistical mediocrity and a 0-3 record. Position coach Duce Stanley is even choosing not to play rookie running back Jermar Jefferson because he “wants him to be upset” and “to be mad.” This is a great strategy. Surprise your opponents by rendering players inactive.

New York Giants quarterback Daniel Jones has been praised for his unexpected running game, consistently running for his life since his wide receivers play a game of hide and seek down field. Offensive coordinator Jason Garrett of The New York Giants says he “[doesn’t] really think about scoring points.” Uh-oh! Without any wins, maybe he should think about that.

The Jaguars had the first pick in the 2021 NFL Draft and scooped up Clemson quarterback Trevor Lawrence. He described his team’s game plan for their Thursday Night Football matchup against the Arizona Cardinals as “good” and then proceeded to lose 31-19. This continued their race to have the most consecutive losses in NFL history, with 19 in a row after a devastating Week 4 loss against the Cincinnati Bengals. Fans can take solace in knowing they’ll break a record somewhere.

The New York Jets, who went 2-14 in the 2020 season, had the second pick in the 2021 NFL Draft and chose Brigham Young University’s Zach Wilson as their new franchise quarterback. So far, he has been absolutely astounding in leading the deprived New York Jets to the lowest average points per game in the League, at 6.7 (less than one combined touchdown and a point after touchdown).

The Indianapolis Colts have decided that playing quarterback Carson Wentz through two sprained ankles will be the season turnaround they’ve been waiting for. It’s shocking that after 45 minutes of dodging five 300-pound offensive linemen, he just can’t hold it together in the fourth quarter. Colts’ fans went through the five stages of grief within 15 minutes, averaging one per three minutes–the team’s best statistic so far.

At the end of the day, fans have to trust the process; these things take time–maybe even lifetimes. But rest assured that your great-great-great-great grandchildren will see their favorite team have a winning season., if climate change doesn’t get them first.