Barry’s 2012 Plans

Cullen Mclane

When writing about the year 2012, it’s always tempting to start with a Mayan apocalypse joke, but they’ve all been done to death by now, so we’ll just skip the appetizers and get right to the main entre: the 2012 presidential election. We have a Mormon who looks like he’s made of plastic, an old pizza guy who watches Pokemon, an eighty year-old anarchist with two first names, a guy from Texas with nothing particularly interesting about him, and the guy currently in the White House: Barrack Hussein Obama. What does Barry have planned to stay in the White House for the next four years? Let’s take a look.


Before we can really look at how Barry’s going to get in again, we need to look at how he got in the first time. He stood before the crowds, calling for hope and change, and they ate it up like candy. Barack Obama was seen by many as a guiding light for America, with some going farther and seeing him as a savior of humanity as a whole. There were a few who saw him as the antichrist, but they were obviously in the minority as Barry won in the polls. Unless of course said people were not very bright and decided to vote for the person they thought was the antichrist. But the point is that in the end, Barry Obama came out on top. When he entered office, the masses expected everything to suddenly turn around and for America to suddenly develop into a magical utopian society.


To put it bluntly, that was pretty dumb. Barry himself even said one term probably wouldn’t be enough to bring about the type of change he spoke of, but it didn’t really matter. The masses heard change, and they wanted it. When Obama couldn’t wave his magic wand and fix all the world’s problems during his first week of office, people started to get annoyed. But Barry still had a fair amount of supporters. Then time went on, and things still weren’t really looking up; more and more people started to lose their patience with the man. His healthcare reform ideas weren’t particularly popular either. So now there’s a good chunk of the population that’s pretty annoyed with Obama. Barack Obama was basically your typical politician; he just happened to use cool slogans and red and blue posters to fool a good portion of the United States into thinking he was the second coming of Jesus/Buddha/Darwin/Santa Claus.


So with so much of the country annoyed with the guy, what’s he going to do? Can he make lightning strike twice? He does still have his fair share of supporters, but they alone are not enough. He’s going to need to convince those who lost their faith in him after the first time. Can he win the election with a series of red and blue posters with his face that read “Hold your horses, I’m working on it. Really, this time it’s gonna be good!” Probably not. Such a long sentence wouldn’t really fit well on a poster with his face unless you made the font too small to read or arranged the words in unappealing ways.


It also is going to depend on who the Republicans choose to go up against him. The Republicans have a pretty terrible set of candidates this time around too. I find that there’s something very appealing about the idea of an old pizza guy who watches Pokemon entering office, but does the rest of America want that? It’s up to the people.