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The Charger Bulletin


Dear Melanie,

So, I have been good friends with this guy for a while, and lately we have been getting really close. He used to like me a while back, but I did not have the same feelings, so I told him we were better as friends. Well, now all of that has changed and I have fallen head over heels for him. The only problem is—he has a girlfriend. What should I do? -Anonymous


Dear Anonymous,

This is a sticky situation, and one that you must deal with very carefully if you want the friendship to last. I have this theory that was told to me once. I was told that no matter how hard you try, heterosexual men and women can never be “just friends,” without feelings developing at some point.

I never believed what I heard, but when I look back at all of my past friendships with guys, I see that at least one of us had always developed feelings at some point. That being said, it is not always a bad thing to start a relationship with someone you have been friends with for a while. You know a lot about each other, and therefore it makes it easier to have a strong, and trusting relationship.

Your current situation right now, however, is a bit different. If you feel like he may have feelings for you as well, then it comes down to the fact that you could be the reason a perfectly fine relationship ends between him and his girlfriend. On the other hand, if you think he does not have the same feelings at all, then your friendship could get extremely weird, and you do not want that either.

That all being said, I am a firm believer in saying what is on your mind because you never know what you may regret not saying later down the line. It is never easy to say what is on your mind, especially when it is a matter of the heart, but you never know what could happen if you do not say how you feel.

You never want to spend your whole life (okay maybe not your whole life, because eventually you’d move on, but even a couple months) wondering “what if?”

My advice to you would be to take that leap of faith and let him know how you feel. I’m not sure what his current relationship with his girlfriend is like, but chances are, if you are really best friends, you two will at least be able to talk everything out and come to some sort of consensus. I’m sure that your taste in guys (and friends) is above average, and that he will not be the type to be a jerk about it. So really, in the end you have nothing to lose. If he lets this become a bigger issue than it needs to be, then he is the one losing something great.

So go on and let him know how you feel!

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