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Distance Makes the Heart Grow Needier

By Melanie Stone

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Dear Melanie, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and now that I am away at school he will not stop calling me and is texting me constantly. He has become very controlling and I do not know if I should break up with him or stay because we have been through so much together. Please help.

– Anonymous


Dear Anonymous,

Situations like this are never black and white. I understand how hard it is to think of your life without someone once you have been together for so long. I am guessing that this is your freshman year at college, and that you and your boyfriend started dating in the beginning of your senior year.

Your senior year of high school is always the most amazing time. There are parties every weekend, hardly any work, proms and senior trips.

Of course senior year is amazing, and to go from being together all the time to hardly seeing each other can be a tough adjustment.

The best thing to do in situations such as these is to obviously talk to one another. You need to lay down some ground rules with your boyfriend and let him know that the tighter he holds on, the more you’ll want to leave.

It is hard to say that you should just end things and see what other options are out there for you, because I get the fact that when you go through that much with someone it is hard to just cut them out of your life.

At the same time, if he being this needy is putting so much stress on you that you find your school work is being affected, or you are having less of a social life, then I would say this may not be the healthiest relationship for you to stay in.

If you have already spoken to him, and the constant contact is still stronger than ever, I would say it is time for a break. With a break, at least the two of you could have time to think without having to run things by one another.

If not, I would say bring up the issue with him as soon as possible. Let him know that this is slowly driving you away (or insane), however you want to word it, and that you really need to put up some boundaries in order for this long distance relationship to work.

With long distance, it is all about trust, and chances are if he is calling every five minutes there needs to be a bit more of that in your relationship.

Give him a copy of your schedule and let him know the times you are free. Set aside a Skype date once every other week or so, and let the distance make you two miss each other.

Sometimes missing someone is all you need to realize that they’re the one for you. When you finally do see each other again, it will make it all that much sweeter.



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