5 First World Trends That Need to Go Away

Kaitlin Mahar

Sure, we’re all familiar with the phrase “first world problems,” which typically falls under categories like “My house is so big that I need two different modems so I can get wifi upstairs and downstairs” or “I crashed my Mercedes, so I have to take the BMW instead.” However, while these are elaborate and relatively unrealistic problems, there are more moderate “first world” trends out there, such as the five highlighted below, that, to put it eloquently, just need to stop.
Kaitlin - bw
1. Selfie sticks:
You’re just as ugly up close as you are from far away. A $15 piece of metal with a semi-reliable plastic holder for your iPhone is not going to do anything to fix it (A filter might, though–filter away).

2. Taking Pictures With Your iPad: Why? Just why? Our phones will soon be the size of iPads anyway, can’t you just wait a few more years before obnoxiously holding up your tablet to get a mediocre-at-best photo of Taylor Swift and the cast of How I Met Your Mother reenacting how the finale should have gone?

3. Apple Watches: Nothing screams “I’m overcompensating!” more than a high-tech, relatively useless accessory that costs about as much as my tuition. Except for maybe the obnoxious revving of a tricked-out car engine, but that’s been around since our grandparents’ time.

4. Flash Tattoos: If you want to look like one of the robots that will ultimately replace you and take your job at Forever 21, then you’ve achieved that gold with flying (metallic) colors. Go ahead. Flash away. Yes, I’m aware of how that sounded.

5. Hashtags: #Nobody cares about how #instaready and #instacute you are with your #nofilter #vscocam photo of a #trashcan in #Brooklyn that’s been painted to look “exactly” like #Danny #DeVito. And no matter how many times you #wokeuplikethis, Beyoncé isn’t going to see it. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.

Do I sound pessimistic? Sure. But, like black clothes, this kind of pessimism is a classic that will stand the test of time (and Prozac). These other trends? Not so much.