10 Things UNH Students Would Rather Be Doing Than Going Back to School

Kaitlin Mahar

Standing naked in the middle of the quad on the coldest day of the semester. Because who says giving a presentation in front of your entire class is the only way to experience a live reenactment of Naked and Afraid?

Listen to “Mmmbop” on a continuous loop. I know it comes as a surprise, given that students were begging to “Stop the Bop” just a short while ago, but I bet they’d be singing a different tune if this option was on the table instead of going to class.

Teach your parents how to use Tinder. Or Grindr, whichever is more awkward for you. I have a feeling getting them to understand the gravity of swiping left versus right is the least of your worries.

Invest hundreds of thousands of dollars in the hopes of maybe making just as much money in our lifetimes. Oh, wait, we did that already. It’s called “college.”

Cancel their Netflix subscription. Okay, no, that might be too far. Was that too far? I’m sorry, that was too far.

Answer their families’ questions at holiday parties. “Well, I plan on owning a bunch of cats and eating my body weight in Cheetos after graduation, Aunt Doreen, since that’s what you do.” “You know, I have no idea where my girlfriend is, and yes, I am a catch. Thank you, Grandpa.” “What do you mean ‘Why am I periodically banging my head against a wall?’ Oh, sorry, was I doing that again?”

Stand out in front of Celantano and just watch the tree turbine until it makes one full rotation. By which time the class of 2020 will have already graduated.

Giving your parents free, unlimited control over your social media for a week. Dating apps and tumblrs are included here, people. Just think of all the possibilities.

Campaign for Donald Trump. Because the only thing worse than losing your mind is losing your dignity, and this is a lot more interesting than the Campbell Crawl.

Watch hundreds of pimple popping videos on a loop for a week straight. Unless that’s something you’re into, you sick, twisted puppy.

And so on. I’m sure there are a myriad of other things we’d rather do than get back to work for another semester (sixteen long, mostly cold weeks). Unfortunately, we just have to buckle down and push through it until we make it to summer vacation, so let’s try to keep the whole “holing up in our rooms with Netflix for days straight” thing to a minimum.