Gosh Darn Country Music!

The Charger Bulletin

By Yvelise Moreno

Contributing Writer


When I decided to come to the University of New Haven, I knew I was giving myself up to disgustingly cold weather, crappy college food and a life of no sleep. But what I didn’t sign up for was the gosh darn country music that EVERYONE here listens to.

Totally not saying that I don’t I have a good variety of music on my iPod, but I mean c’mon! Every time I turn my head people are playing Keith Urban or Hunter Hayes… To be completely honest, that type of music totally irritates me. In a totally diverse college, you would expect totally diverse music preferences, but no. That is not the case. Let us take my own room for example; I have roommates from New York, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania and California. Well, Massachusetts and Pennsylvania are a given to country music—yes, I know I am being biased and stereotyping people, but can you blame me? Back to the point. ALL of my roommates listen to country… 24/7. Why? How did I get stuck with people that are musically challenged? I am pretty sure it is a requirement to listen to country music to get accepted into the University—I was just a fluke.

Let us dissect a country song now… this is going to be so much fun. I have decided to go with: “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” by Kenny Chesney. Why? Well because I need to show people the stupidity. I need to open their eyes. Let’s begin with the title: the thought of a female actually thinking a man’s farming equipment is attractive is pretty asinine and kind of hysterical. It also makes no sense at all. It slightly aggravates me. Now lyrics: the fact that a beautiful woman could look past the farmer’s tan and still bring a man “a basket full of chicken and a big ‘ol jug ‘a sweet tea” just because he’s ridin’ high on a tractor… that is just an insult to women everywhere! There is a line that goes: “Well she ain’t into cars or pickup trucks”. Why isn’t she into a nice BMW or a Porsche? At least she has good taste in cars and a good taste in men with some spending money.

Well now that we saw the literal meaning of this, I don’t want to mention more songs because people listen to songs to get some enjoyment… so I am just stopping here. We have the literal meaning, now for the figurative meaning. Basically the whole song is a metaphor for sex. But what song nowadays isn’t a metaphor for sex? If you say this song isn’t about sex, then sorry. You have problems. She wants “one more teeny weeny ride before take her home.” Please try and tell me that isn’t about sex. But what I do not understand is if someone is going to talk about sex, why use a tractor and such? My mind cannot fathom how that is even close to being sexual or able to bring a sexual feeling to females.

Country music in general just confuses and exasperates me. The gosh darn country music needs to end. Sorry, but it had to be said.