Always remember the Charger Bulletin this way

Antoinette Yen, Entertainment Editor

Satire

Working on an editorial board conjures up images of well-dressed, bodycon-clad females and men in tuxes or other formal attire. More of a business-casual dress code. But not here at the Charger Bulletin, where 13 little monsters head different sections, spending weekdays and weekends fixing grammar, proofreading, copy editing, and avoiding bias under the pokerfaced gaze of their mother monster. Our little monster family’s life is twisted. To be designated as a little monster and gain access to our monster house, which is almost always stacked with meat stakes to dress up when we run out of something outrageous enough to be considered fashionable, you must be invited for an interview process, and everything that follows keeps our loyal student readers poker-faced!

It’s no secret that the editors of the Charger Bulletin adore gaga. So much so, that we sing on repeat

“I want your edit me, I want your article piece
I want your everything as long as it’s Sunday free
I want your love
Love, love, love, I want your love, oh, ey
You know that I want to SWAG
And you know that I need you
WORD has it I want it bad
Your bad romance”

We are not insane; we share the same DNA; we were just born with a poker face. We little monsters, like mother monster, are creative in our outfits. Monday staff meetings are like a red carpet event for us, and failure to impress results in kidnapping.

While some of us wore meat-inspired outfits last week, another dressed up as a dazzling star, and another wore a sky-high white wig and voluminous white gown.

We do have meet-and-greet events where newbie writers are encouraged to claim an article. They must be present in person at a staff meeting to do so. The only requirement is that you look and feel like a small monster.

“We Don’t wanna edit, just wanna dress
Just pull my eyelash and blush
Don’t call my name, mother monster
Don’t call my name, Bulletino”

When contacted, Ally a newbie writer complains, “ I am running out of creativity. My stylist feels like she’s under attack.” “Props supplies are running at an all-time low” Last week I was held captive in the newsroom for an entire day. My punishment was to sing along to Lady Gaga songs.

“Nobody’s leaving this room until you know every last word to ‘Marry the Night.’” Is the last thing she recalls of the night.

While Charger Bulletin officials have denied claims and rumors of a new editorial board, According to rumors, a new editorial board is attracting student writers rather than monsters this time around, encouraging the student body to keep an eye out for their emails on Word Vomit, their new website.

“We’re looking for writers with no experience who are willing to word vomit enough to run the satire edition,” he said.